A long-time social worker in Sault Ste. Marie is offering direction for families who may be struggling to help their kids cope with Monday night's shootings that claimed five lives, including three children aged 6, 7, and twelve.
For the past 18 years, Kerri Dool has provided counselling services to residents of all ages. For nearly half that time, she has worked directly with students and young children in the Sault’s education system.
While she recognizes this week’s incidents were incredibly violent, the support tactics her team members offer remains relatively the same.
“Any time we take a trauma-informed approach to any crisis or serious incident, the guidelines are similar,” Dool told SooToday. “The most important thing to remember is the humanity in this, as well as the compassion and empathy we all need for those people who are struggling."
“There’s no linear movement through grief,” she added. “It’s a process, and this is going to be a process of grieving that takes a very long time to overcome as a community.”
Realizing there are likely some parents in the community struggling to help their children cope with the tragedy, Dool says it’s important to check in with the little ones on a consistent basis.
“See what they already know about the tragedy,” she suggested. “Did the school share information? Did they send a letter home that parents can reference with their children?”
The grief counsellor noted that it’s okay to use direct language when talking about what happened this week, especially when the child is likely to hear about the devastating themes at school or in other places outside their household.
“Don’t be afraid to say the children were ‘killed.’ You don’t have to be mysterious about what happened because I think your kids are going to hear that somewhere else anyway,” she said. “It’s better to hear it in a safe environment where parents can provide support.”
During times of stress, Dool mentioned children may not function in the same capacity they normally do. But taking a “trauma informed approach” with them by lowering their fears and rationalizing their thoughts can go a long way, according to the experienced social worker.
“The fear response can become very heightened during a time like this, and you may even feel like they’re becoming paranoid of things that they didn’t used to be aware of,” she said. “Asking them pointed questions like: ‘How often has your fear materialized in the past? What are some things we can do to stay safe when you get worried about safety?’ Those are ways we can help them switch over from that emotional response.”
Other tips Dool offered to parents include:
- Have conversations about what intimate partner violence is and what healthy family relationships look like
- Use your own experience of death so kids know that we understand it
- Remind your children that it’s okay to cry and validate their emotions
- Reassure your kids by reviewing safety protocols your family may have in place at home
- Be aware of behavioural changes (staying in their room, less socialization, not sleeping)
- Model healthy coping as a parent, such as engaging in self-care
- Check in with children on how they’re feeling physically (butterflies in tummy, chest tightness, shortness of breath)
- Take part in stress-relief exercises like deep breathing and meditation exercises on YouTube,
- Communicate with your child’s support circle (school, coaches, doctor, other parents)
In response to Monday’s tragedy, Dool and her wellness team is offering a parent support group called "Parenting Through Trauma."
“We really want to be there for our community right now,” she said. “We know that resources were stretched to begin with, and it’s hard for people to have access to services at times. We want to make sure people are resourced and supported.”
For families interested in the support group, or other options like parent-direct counselling and children and youth counselling, Dool’s team can be contacted by emailing [email protected] or by clicking here.
Meanwhile, the Supportive Care Team at ARCH Hospice took to social media Wednesday afternoon to remind residents they also offer grief support for all ages.
“Our community has suffered immense loss within the last few months and this most recent tragedy has hit home for a lot of our community,” their post stated. “Please know that during this time, whatever you are feeling is okay. Grief is unique and very difficult to navigate. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are not alone.”
Grief Support at ARCH can be accessed by calling 705-942-1556 ext. 239 for children and youth (Lana) and ext. 242 for adults (Laura).
ARCH also offers online resources, and they are available by clicking here and here.
Additionally, the non-profit has a book titled “The ABC’s of Death” for parents and caregivers on how to talk with children who may have questions about death, dying, or grief.
ARCH will be hosting a series of workshops designed in coordination with the ABC’s of Death book. The purpose of this workshop is to provide locals with practical tips and tools on how to:
- Reflect on your own comfort with Death, Dying and Grief
- Talk to Children about Death and Dying
- Support a Child who is grieving
- Practice Self Care for the Caregiver
The upcoming dates will be posted on ARCH's website for further information. Readers who would like a copy of the book can call Lana, or they can receive an e-copy by clicking here.
Counselling services are also available for students attending Boreal French Immersion and Superior Heights, which the Algoma District School Board announced in a statement Wednesday afternoon.
The school board has assigned a traumatic events response team at both schools to help classmates of the deceased and any children who are struggling with Monday's tragedy.