Anne Murray is not evil (10 photos)

The worst thing about Posttraumatic Anne Murray Disorder is the flashbacks.

At 4 a.m. this morning, I woke up bathed in cold sweat, terrified by apocalyptic visions of snowbirds attacking my eye sockets and a hippopotamus thrashing around my bathtub.

Until then, I was proud of myself for holding up so well.

All day yesterday, up until the designated hour of Anne Murray's performance at the Steelback Centre, this heavy-metal fan had repeated his mantra over and over and over.

"Anne Murray is not evil."

"Anne Murray is not evil."

"Anne Murray is not evil."

I felt fine as Jennifer Muio, the Steelback's designated media-wrangler, escorted Rachel Labrecque, Karen Johns, Brian Tremblay and myself to the designated photography spots at the left and right sides of the stage.

And then it happened.

The moment the star of the evening stepped onto the Steelback stage, my trusty old Canon EOS 10D began acting like it had been possessed by tech-demons.

No matter how I tweaked the settings, every image looked like it had been shot at a shutter speed slower than one-fifteenth of a second.

On stage, as she sang with her lovely and talented daughter Dawn Langstroth (shown), Ms. Murray seemed almost sweet.

Oblivious to the danger, her entranced fans swayed to the hell-spawned melodies.

But my camera caught Anne Murray's true essence.

On most of my frames, she appears as a ghostly white blur.

My mantra-induced calm quickly dissolved into raging heart palpitations and feelings of hopeless terror at the sight of this evil apparition.

And I was struck by the gross injustice of the situation.

For many weeks, my staff had engaged in direct and indirect manipulations to ensure they would be somewhere else last night.

"Can I please, please, please not cover the Anne Murray thing?" they begged.

Being boss often means taking one for the team.

And so here I was, by default, covering the dreaded Snowbird Goddess for SooToday.com

Despite various attempts at self-medication, I continue to struggle with the traumatic aftermath of my Anne Murray encounter.

The pain just won't go away.

Medical intervention was deemed necessary.

Before the benzodiazepines kick in, I am trying to post the few almost-clear images I managed to capture last night.